Earlier this morning, I was reflecting on my first 9 days of self-quarantine. What started it was when I put my P46 thermos cup in the cupboard. Since I got that cup, it has never been out of its special spot, where I’d see it every morning as I went out the door.
COVI-19 has placed a burden on many people, forcing them to change daily routines, working, socializing, and lifelong habits. I am extremely lucky.
I worked from home for decades, I’m used to the routine. Then my wife died 8 years ago and I’ve been batching it ever since. I’m an only kid, so I grew up entertaining myself. Being an only child had some odd benefits. I had lots of solitary time that required and I developed an imaginative and inquisitive mind. Too much so, some folks have told me. I also spent more time with adults than with my peers. I learned to talk and socialize as an adult. My folks taught me important values like, all people are equal and deserve respect, honesty is the key to character, respect is hard to earn and and easy to loose, no matter what you do – do your best, the job doesn’t make the man, those that have share with those that don’t and, importantly, be your own man and think for yourself.
So, the greatest hardship that COVID-19 has imposed on me is nothing compared to what others are experiencing. I stopped going daily to my favorite spot, Patisserie 46. (Wah, Wah, Wah) Typically, I’d spend 2-3 hours writing and drinking great coffee and eating pastries that were works of art. Most importantly, I’d spend a lot of my time talking with friends who would stop by. I met many interesting people with fascinating stories.
This prepared me for the rest of my day.
As I said, I am extremely lucky. In a manner of speaking, I grew up preparing for something like this pandemic.
The American Psyche Is Wearing Thin
I worked for 9 years in psychiatric institutions and was a foster parent. I have seen what domestic trauma can do to people. I am gravely concerned. Besides physical injuries children, particular, are scarred for life. They are set on a path of a diminish lifetime and more hardships. In some cases, the abused become the abuser and a generational pattern begins.
Already, there are reports of the effects on families caused by self-quarantine and mandatory lock down. In China and Europe there has been a noticeable increase in divorces and suicide. At the same time domestic violence and child abuse are increasing.
Families in the industrialized nations are more fragmented than those living in traditional societies. We Americans are busy working, going to school, joining or volunteering for after school activities, self-improvement, and faith and social service organizations. We are not prepared to live closely with our families for extended periods of time. Being on vacation for two weeks is nothing compared to being together 24×7 for an indefinite time.
The stress we are experiencing is compounded by worries about work, finances, is there enough food, health, and loss of the routines that keeps each of us grounded and focused. This is the perfect storm of uncertainty that can push many people into despair.
To counter my isolation I am doing several things. I’m developing a call list of family and friends who I call or, at least, text on a regular basis. This provides me with the socialization that I need to feel connected. Also, by reaching out I am showing that I care about them. To make things more intimate there are services like Skype and Zoom that allow video calls. I’ll be honest, I haven’t done this yet but plan to this week.
I make a point of getting out-of-doors. It’s important to get outside, even if it is sitting on the back steps, to breath fresh air, take time for yourself and decompress, and remember that the world is much larger and more interesting place. Take time to soak in the natural world and marvel at how special the mundane can be. Walking or biking with friends appears to be safe, so long as you keep a safe distance from each other.
While I have routines that haven’t changed, I am looking to create new routines that help ground me. You can schedule time for fun activities with family and friends. Offer support to each other. Schedule personal time to honor you. Another routine that is important is getting fully dressed. A few days of Casual Friday are good, but personal hygiene and making yourself presentable can reinforce self -esteem.
And remember, as we live though the Big Pause you now now have time to do things that you’ve been wanting to do. If you are interested in a hobby now is a good time to try it. Local hobby shops may be closed but online shopping should be available. This is the time to challenge yourself. Learn to cook, bake or garden. If you’re not much of reader, now is the time to try it, at your own pace with subjects that interest you. It’s also a good time to learn new games like Scrabble, Chess, or one of many that are online. If one of your kids is a gamer, learn to play with them. You may need to suspend judgement in some cases. And, there is always cards.
Avoid drinking or getting high too frequently or at all. In confined and crowded spaces alcohol and drugs tend to alter behavior for the worse, particularly as time goes on and the end is out of sight.
If It Gets Too Much For You
There are hotlines on the phone and the web. Reach out. There is no shame in this. These are very unusual times and needing to talk to someone isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a demonstration of self-awareness and self-care. The same goes for other family members. Don’t judge yourself or them. It’s just being smart and respectful to those around you.
If you or someone around you is at wits end, call the emergency services. These hard times will pass, and suicide robs you of a better future. Get help quickly.
You are not alone. The entire nation is in the same boat. Now more than ever, many understand what you’re going through and provide support. Likewise, you can help others, which adds meaning to your life.